Unemployment Sucks

I’ve been watching a lot of television lately. See, if you haven’t read already, I am unemployed and I have a lot of free time. The other end of it is I live in a new city, so I don’t know a ton of people yet and the people I have met, I’m still getting to know them and become a part of their lives. So, a lot of the time, I sit around, plugged into Netflix or Hulu watching hour upon hour of TV series whilst painting or writing dumb shit for this blog.

I’m also a sucker for efficiency. See, the thing about American Television, especially it’s drama shows is that it’s all about the standard formula. Like, I watched the entire, available canon of Bones, the show with Emily Deschnel who plays a social moron but because she’s a genius she thinks her shit doesn’t stink. I want punch that character in the face, many, many times. That Ms. Deschnel makes her living this way actually makes me sad. But anyway, after watching like a hundred and fifty episodes of this, I realized, the first person Bones and the FBI agent doofus question, not speak to but actually question is always the killer. ALWAYS. Except in the few, more exciting, serial killer episodes, that, if you are going on a massive marathon, barely breaks up the monotony of the repetition filled in with the barely interesting, mostly pathetic actions of spoiled brainiacs.

I am also obsessed with House M.D. Fortunately, that show is not available en masse on Netflix, hulu or any other provider that is easily accessible. Yea, I could probably torrent them fuckers, but I am actually trying to work on some shit.  But anyway, House almost never “solves” the issue before the 48 minute mark (if yr watching with commercials, I don’t know what the time span is on Hulu, cuz I don’t pay attention to the clock when watching on my puter like I did on the TV back when I was employed and had cable. It happens almost every time, except for maybe once that I can recall. Sure, there were a few character development episodes in the later seasons about how House was a drug addict.

So sometimes, I wish this: I wish I could magically walk into my computer or TV screen (I got netflix on my Xbox 360 bitch, yea I am an arrested development adult male, suck my man cunt Kay S Hymovitz) and just shake the charachters. Like on Bones, when they interview the guilty person in the first 15 minutes, I just want shake that pretty FBI guy (FYI, FBI guys mostly do look like this guy, with LOTS of hair gel) and be like “this motherfucker is the dude that killed the motherfucker”. Or like on House M.D., the first like five diagnosis they do I want to be like, “You’re WRONG you over educated, emotionally crippled ass hats!” It would save me a lot of time and I would probably watch less TV, because lets face it, the drama of TV is equal to, but just as banal and irrelevant as the drama in any middle class Americans life. All these shows reinforce is that scarily smart people are social morons that alienate people and should be punched in the face. Except House, cuz he’s an asshole to everyone and Hugh Laurie is pretty awesome. He was on a show with Steven Fry. I should watch that show, I bet my life would be more fulfilled.

So, essays, blog posts, intelligent writing is supposed to (or are supposed to) have a point. This one doesn’t really. I just wish I wasn’t a TV addict right now. I wish I had a little more structure. I wish I was capable of drawing a Whale Robot as inspired by my That ’70’s Show marathon I have been watching/listening to. Unfortunately, unlike this guy, I’m not that good at drawing and I am not that disciplined. Also, I’ve been enjoying the Virgin Island’s best import. Future and/or potential employers savvy enough to find this page (i.e. google search) or translate that simplistic phrase, please ignore. Also, I wish TV Land and Hollywood didn’t suck so much. And finally, I’ve been really discomforted by how many B and C level actors/actresses are members of The Church of Scientology. That shit is weird. Robots are awesome. Buy my stuff and other stuff.

Why I’m Not Voting Today

I really don’t like talking about politics anymore. This rant will probably not persuade you to that argument. But I am a man of passionate ranting. So here we go.

I think that anyone who has succumbed to this pseudo two-party system and believes that any of these people have any radical ideas (wait one second for fuck sake) clearly does not have a clear foundation of how this country’s political system came to be and why it is in such a state of disrepair. Remember that “radical ideas” comment I made?  I mean truly radical ideas. That is, new ways of dealing with complex problems that are researched and well thought out and have true potential. Neither “party” provides any type of real world solutions. The fact is, our government is just another large business, interested in greasing its capitalistic machine. The art of politics in the 21st century is nothing more than big business ideology where money talks.

Don’t believe me? Think I am some nut job radical? Than explain Christine O’Donnel to me. Clearly this human being lacks a basic education to truly be entrusted with debating law and legislation. We don’t even have to know what her politics are (and frankly, she’s such an idiot that I am not even interested in what she thinks) to make this judgment. Thirty five seconds of exposure, watching her sweat under a softball question is enough to know that she does not have the fundamental, critical thinking skills to pass a middle school civics class let alone act as an educated representative to a voting constituency, that apparently has the mental capacity of a cracked walnut. Have you traveled on I-95 through Delaware lately? Ever? Remind you of a prolapsed rectum? I rest my case. She is where she is because she knows how to sell an idea to people, thus gaining the capital to participate in the system.

I refuse to subject myself to the embarrassment of legitimizing our federal government that is much more worried about morality then it is about civility and civil service. That we as a people, who claim to be educated, continue, mercilessly, to allow our political system to be closed to only those who have access to money, or know how to organize a corporation to sell a product (in this case the product of bad ideas) to a public so well-trained to spend that hard-earned money, just proves how fucking stupid we truly are. I see absolutely no use in pretending that the lesser of two evils is a worthwhile choice. That’s barely a choice at all, lacking such a huge range of hue and detail that black and white doesn’t even cut it as a tired cliché to describe political discourse in America. No, I truly see no difference in the self-interested Democrats and the self-interested Republicans. Next week, I won’t have a job. Next week some of these idiots may not collect a paycheck from the bank of the United States Congress, but none of them will be without a new private sector job to fall right into and continue to grease the wheel.

I know this will come as quite a let down to a lot of my very passionate, smart, educated, critically thinking and well-meaning friends that may stumble across this. It will probably even make some of you visibly upset. But I am not a man of faith and I certainly have no faith in man (the male specific pejorative is intentional here) to do the right thing. History teaches us, repeatedly, that our leaders will repeatedly fail us. This fucking rant is not meant to be a judgment or even an argument. I have voted in every national, state and local election since I was 18 (and if I had any future interest in the municipality of Virginia where I am registered I would have taken the time to review any local elections that may be occurring today, but as I do not, I don’t feel it is proper of me to cast a vote) and on the state and federal level I have been dismayed. I can not, in good faith, cast a vote for any person who continues to subject the world to more actual and psychic violence on such an unimaginable (to me) grand scale, that this simple mention causes me great anxiety. I foolishly cast a vote for President Obama and he let me down on inauguration day by including that piece of shit, capitalistic asshole Rick Warren as a part of the ceremony. If you are gay or support gay rights and wonder what happened to all those promises Obama made, look no further than the inclusion of an evangelical, mega church owning, religious-capitalist on your precious inauguration day.  I cried too that day, but not because I was happy. You do not talk about hope and change to a nation and then include such a hateful human being to stand upon the pulpit with you. Politics died for me that day. I’ve never felt so betrayed in my life, and I don’t even know the man.

So no, I won’t be voting today. I am not mad at the system or wanting to tear it down. If I may re-appropriate the words of many unenlightened before me, I hate the players, a lot. The game is just underwhelmingly boring to me at this point. I once read a quote that stated in essence that any system can be gamed. The only invariable in any system is the user. You can not predict nor rely on the actions of the human being at the helm. The system is a lifeless dependent. Human beings are unpredictable, especially in their greed and stupidity. I’ll be enjoying my second day being unemployed, thank you.

KYS 4.5 – I talk about a TV show.

I don’t really like to talk about TV. I am one of those holier than thou shit heads that thinks television is the work of the devil and poison to idol minds. I am not so big that I can’t admit that I watch it, and over the last few years, quite a great deal more than I used to. I’ve become particularly fond of Showtime over the last few years. They have a very intense, female fronted marque that includes a lot of very interesting lady characters. Because of that, I started watching The Big C and well, it pretty much fucked up my shit.

The beautiful Laura Linney plays a woman diagnosed with terminal cancer. So, you know, it takes a few episodes to find out what type of cancer this character has. You kind of are left to assume that it’s breast cancer, and that’s fine with me. For me the show was strong enough that I was able to overlook the assumed killer. But, in fact it is not breast cancer but Melanoma. Yup, left hook to the face, stunned and in my chair. I nearly choked when that reveal came (sorry if I fucked that up for you. I don’t like spoilers myself and I prolly should have warned you but, fuck it, watch it anyway).

There is a reality in the humor, Linney’s character quickly coming undone in fear and a necessity to live life. It really made me wonder about Clark after he got his diagnosis. I remember the day I got my minor one, and well, it changed my entire life. Almost a year later and everything is different. I am literally winding down one life and getting ready to start a new one. Cancer for me was a gift. A lucky one I don’t really have to worry about dying from, but still one that reset all the bullshit, that teaches me every day to shed my anger, my frustration, my prejudice and just live my life. Sometimes that means traveling 3,000 miles to have a staycation on your best friend’s couch. Sometimes that means staying up late listening to insane hip hop records. Sometimes that means uprooting your life from a state and city you love so much and moving away from everyone you know and love and want in your life to break away the madness. Sometimes it means doubting yourself and everything you ever did and undermine anything you want to do. Sometimes it means being terrified as fuck, thinking you fucked everything up and get consumed with regret. Sometimes it just feels good that you don’t have to create adventure, that life is an adventure in itself. Sometimes it’s watching 35 hours of True Blood hoping to catch Anna Paquin naked.

There is not a day I don’t think about Clark, his friends, his mother (whom I never met), and my friend Rebbecca who was with him through all that crazy shit, the fear, the impulse, the irrationality, the hurt and confusion about how your body could betray you. All the stuff that Cancer brings into a life, whether you are a survivor or a loved one, or whatever your relationship to that shit is. I try not to make those thoughts this overbearing or weird part of my life, even though all of it is very weird and makes so little sense to me. I try not to confuse my feelings of joy when I talk to Rebbecca with the feelings of sadness I have for why we are friends in the first place. I try not get freaked out about how unfair it is someone so full of life is no longer here. I try not to play the mind games my mind wants to play. And I am doing a pretty good job. The Big C doesn’t totally help with all that though. It doesn’t make me love it any less though.

Lately, I don’t have this whole life thing figured out. I am pretty filled with a lot of self doubt, wondering what it is I want to do in my life. Trying to find out how you can contribute to this narrative of human existence is hard. I’m trying to evaluate myself pretty deeply and harshly to find out how to break some of the behaviors that I have that keep me locked in my tower brooding. I’ve been given a gift. It’s a beautiful gift and I don’t want to fuck it up. I wish I didn’t think so damn much and just relied more on my id, my impulses. I don’t know if that’s something you can learn. I wish like fuck Clark was here still, cuz I know he could teach me.

Anyway, I’m still doing really awesome. It’s a weird trip. A weird place to be. But I’m gonna get that shit in my hands and make it mine.

Peace and hair grease.