I am sure it was bound to happen at some point. When one of your best friends in a new town is a 20-year-old guitar playing homosexual, yr bound to go down some roads you weren’t really ever expecting to go down. And I have now gone down a filthy and vile road that I never thought possible. That’s right, yours truly saw an episode of Glee. I was tricked, under false pretenses, and for that I will never forgive Justin. But I love him anyway, even for all his sinful behavior and trickery (by which I mean watching Glee and keeping me captive for said viewing by promising me pizza and RuPaul).
So, I kind of knew that I would hate Glee without having to see it. Despite a predisposition for Broadway musicals (I own three different copies of West Side Story) I think this new generation of the musical celebration is fucking horrifying. This is because the hyper teen dramas being perpetrated by grown ass men in the form of High School The Musical and Glee is both gross and wholly unnecessary. The so-called feel good, we shall overcome our differences while reinforcing stereotypes, exploitation of youth sexuality is disturbing to me. The plot devices and story arcs are also very banal and boring. I figured out all of this before even having watched an episode or a clip from either those dumb movies or that insipid TV show.
My first glance at Glee game in the form of that ass hat Gwyneth Paltrow playing pop star and ruining Cee-Lo’s “Fuck You”. Now, despite the hype, I like Cee-Lo’s “Fuck You”. I think it’s great fuck you anthem for jilted, would be lovers. It’s also catchy as fuck and Cee-Lo has an amazing voice. Gwyneth Paltrow is a very pretty, very plain, very normal woman who probably shits roses or something. She lives a fantasy life with her child Apple (really) and her boring music making but charming as hell husband Chris Martin from Coldplay. If ever there was anyone not qualified to sing an angry fuck you song, it’s Gwyneth Paltrow. Never mind that it’s on boring, American broadcast so she and a room full of teenagers can’t even sing the word “fuck”. Instead they have to modify it to the acceptable “Forget You” version taking all of the power and subversiveness out of the great song and turning it into a feel good sing along. The producers of Glee should be brought up on charges of rape for that killing. Seriously, if they had that wheelchair bound (more on this fucker in a minute) fuck nut singing “FUCK YOU” at the top of his lungs, I’d get psyched.
So anyway, the episode I saw “Born this Way“, in which I was treated to an extra 20 minutes of agony, was a typical after-school special plot line with bad acting and bad singing. So first, there’s the geek who is also plagued with being in a wheelchair. No kid in the history of kids dresses like that kid anymore, smart and science obsessed as he or she may be. So, what I’m supposed to feel extra sorry for him because he has no fashion sense and can’t walk? That’s supposed to endear me towards him and see him as an overcoming hero? Can you fucking get any more obvious? I mean, really, how hard is it to develop a character in a wheelchair who is also just a normal, well-rounded human being. And even though he didn’t feature heavily in this episode, his presence was offensive. It’s lazy writing, filled with a lot of potential for not too challenging, but definitely lets touch on all types of people story lines. Pathetic.
Then there are the Jews and the plight of the Jew nose. Which, I have to say, I’ve never seen such an exploitative story line. I also think it’s really funny that the token male Jew is a 27-year-old actor who looks like a well tanned, well oiled, Chicano punk rocker who was attacked by a Hot Topic. Even more unbelievable and unreliable of a character then the kid in the wheel chair. Also, Barbra Streisand sucks. There is nothing remotely empowering about a middle class woman who rose to the upper class and overcharges her fans to watch her banshee wail through two hours of music. But I guess if you’re writing a feel good story about teens overcoming there “faults” (more on that in a second) then you really have no concept of real life or actual, meaningful art work. Further, it’s just unrealistic to believe that a 17-year-old is going to respond to a Streisand flash mob and decide that she is beautiful and doesn’t need plastic surgery. Which no 17-year-old girl does need or is anywhere worldly enough or emotionally mature enough to make that decision. And where the hell are the parents in this fantasy world anyway? By their absence, clearly they are complicit in all this stupidity, blindly allowing their children to be overwrought with stupid decision making.
My favorite story arc, and there were like four or five story arcs in this episode, proving once again that these guys are short on talent and big on drama, was the Prom Queen election one. We have pretty blond girl vs quirky over-weight girl. The reason I don’t write for Glee is because my story line would be the big girls just saying “fuck it” and hacking up blondie with a chainsaw and the having the rest of the glee club over for some barbecue. I’ll spare you the details, but in the end blondie somehow WINS after it’s revealed she used to be an overweight, insecure, pimple faced eight grader. So basically, all the producers, writers and directors did is REINFORCE THE STEREOTYPES that the pretty people always win. Even if they are full of shit and tear other people down in a projected sea of their own insecurities. Way to reach out to the youth of today.
Another plot line was all about a gay closeted jock and a gay singing kid and basically all I got from that and the kicker for next weeks episode is that everyone on Glee is a homosexual and apparently you can’t be into sports or art and be a dude without wanting to be with a man. This was just so drenched in stereotypes that we have of both the arts and the masculine sports guy homosexual fear that it’s only worth mentioning to further prove that the people behind this show are so out of touch with reality that it begs the question, why? Why bother? I mean not all bullying jocks are closet cases, some of them are just reprehensible assholes. Not all kids into theater and singing and art are gay. The feminine aspect of human duality is a beautiful and powerful and wonderful thing. It doesn’t preclude being in touch with the masculine side from making great art or being able to sing well. Which is something your auto-tuned, nymphette filled cast can’t do anyway. Basically all the white boys on this show are gay, which is the alpha role on Glee for the male archetype further relegating the Jew and the Asian (I didn’t see any black guys on the show except in the role of jock violent bully. Are the Glee producers racist?) to the supporting role ghetto.
I hate Glee. I hate that it brings out the worst in me. I hate that it riles me up so much that I lash out at the easy targets while I watch it. I hate that it’s exploiting gay stereotypes to try to make point. I thought we were past this, seriously, when are we going to start portraying gay people with some dignity in our entertainment. I’m tired of the “Just Jack” character, who funny as he may have been, was filled with nothing but base, surface stereotypes. I’ve never, in my life, met a gay man who was that basic of a human being, because like all human beings, they are far more complex than the vacant portrayals Glee would have us believe. When are we going to stop portraying lesbians as angry all the time? Never met this mythical, man hating lesbian that’s always got a chip on their shoulder. I give them credit at least for portraying the gay girl in a non butch dyke denim vest wearing militant that seems to be more myth than reality. But she was still uber angry at the world. One hair cut and bad wardrobe designer’s decision away from fitting the mold.
It is my not so humble opinion that, ultimately, Glee does more harm than good to any Gay acceptance agenda the writers and producers might have. Rather than portraying gay youth as anything other than the over-dramatic losers that they are, filled with weakness and a false bit of empowerment through Lady Gaga, they have the platform to say something real about gay youth and just young people in general today. Instead, they lean on all the things that people object to about gays in America which is only going to further reinforce the prejudice and act as fodder for idiots to point and say “see, I told you so”. These sissified kids, with their obvious, oversimplified problems that real kids don’t have, gay or straight, aren’t heroes. They aren’t really getting to the root of the problems. In the end, the stereotypical story line plays out. Young people certainly don’t tackle their issues with witty conversations and song. They agonize, fight, terrorize and lose their shit over them. They do terrible things to themselves and each other, that has real, lasting effect. Being a teenager, gay or straight, totally sucks in this image obsessed, vacant, uneducated culture that values nothing. You hit 15 or 16, realize you’ve been lied to by every adult and that people are mean and nasty and terrible and it crushes your youthful energy and hope. Fuck Glee. Fuck it in all its stupid Lady Gaga singing glory.