Katy Perry’s Exploding Tits Are the Last Straw for America

I’m getting old. I mean, I’ve always pretty much detested sugar pop music (save for Madonna and the Spice Girls) in almost all forms, but now it’s getting ridiculous. Big shocker, right? I don’t know shit about what’s popular to the kids these days. My awesome, arrested development leads me more down the roads of music made usually by four degenerate boys playing utterly repressed, mauled distortion. Honestly, I don’t know anything about “music” as it would be defined by the greater, pop culture consuming culture.

Last night I was hanging out with with some dudes from my band. They asked me if I saw the firework video. I said no. They drummed up youtube. Katy Perry once again ruined my life. See, I already didn’t like her that much, stemming back to that really horrible, wanna be gender-fuck song “I Kissed A Girl”. That made me ill on many, many levels. While I am happy that the concept of fluid sexuality is more acceptable with younger generations, there is nothing remotely radical about two women kissing. Further, utilizing and playing to the redundant, straight male fantasy about pervasive lipstick lesbianism is neither creative or respectful to the millions of gay women throughout history. I hate Katy Perry. I want someone to hit her in the throat so she can never do it again.

There is no god. I know there is no god because this didn’t happen and Katy Perry is back and her tits are exploding. So, this is what I learned from this video: Katy Perry’s tits are SOOOOO amazing that they actually explode. No, I know, I watched the video, in horror, and a bunch of people’s tits were exploding because they were getting all self aware and standing up and facing there fears. BUT KATY PERRY’S TITS WERE FUCKING EXPLODING.

I’m serious when I say that shit like this makes me hate American culture. It makes me hate American’s for supporting this with money. It makes me hate myself for getting so angry about it that I expose it to all of you, my dear, sweet wonderful readers who willingly subject yrself to my ranting. Pretty much, so far as I can tell, American culture is telling us that we’re totally screwed.

Feast your eyes on the hell and then join me tomorrow and noon central time for a collective, self inflicting eye gouge.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Katy Perry’s Exploding Tits Are the Last Straw for America

  1. If you want poor taste Katy Perry, try her n Elmo or Snoop Dog. The Snoop candyland was sexy but disturbing in a lady gaga, m-16 tits way.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s