Goals

This is me on a typical day anymore. Ever since I stopped going to work everyday back in November, I’ve pretty much spent a lot of time in front of my computer, headphones around my ears, hoodie on with my hands either busy at the keyboard, with a pencil or pen in my hand or at some idiotic musical instrument I don’t really know how to play. On the really good, productive days I am writing shit down, making noise, scribbling wonky images and generally causing havoc. Losing my day job was one of the best things that happened to me as an adult. I am regaining some of that unspoiled joy and excitement that came with the freedom of being young. My art has time to grow and breath and I can actually think about what I want to do with it all.

For a few weeks here, I wasn’t really listening to a lot of music in my apartment. My brain was totally shot and fucked up and I couldn’t really allow the power and beauty of the music to take me away. I was stressed out and couldn’t relax. I had to fill my self not with emotions but with distraction. I watched a lot of Television the first few weeks. Sometimes I make art, especially music with the TV on in the background. One time, I had a demo that had David Chappelle  screaming racial epithets at the close of a song. I played that demo for Chad Clark, forgetting that sample was on there. It was slightly embarrassing, but it was a part of the process of creating that song. But generally TV sucks me in. I am a bit OCD and in these days of Season after Season of TV shows being available I find I try to go on marathons to complete the stories. I can’t help it. I just need to know how things resolve.

Since the New Year, I’ve been trying to re-align myself and get the music flowing in my apartment again. After reviewing my finances, it seems I can afford a music box to plug my iPod in so I can fill my living space with music and enjoy it away from the computer. Music, clearly, is a big part of my life. The sounds made by friends and strangers is so very important to me. It keeps me going. Right now I am listening to the new Des Ark album, it’s totally amazing and it makes me think about Aimee who is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. She’s one of those people I am totally encapsulated by when I am around her. She has an energy, a raw power that takes over a room and her music puts me in another state of being. But it’s not the fuzzy feelings like drugs and alcohol. It’s more clear and clairvoyant. I find answers to the world and universe when her guitar picking shuffles through my ears. This album is not out yet, but I can’t wait until other people here it because it’s so beautiful. I might even buy copies and send it to friends just so they own it and can feel what I feel.

So, one of my goals this year is to get my last.fm counter to read 100,000 plays. Currently I am on 73,183 plays. I love last.fm. It helps feed some of my OCD needs for quantifying my music experience. I think it’s interesting to look at my history and patterns and figure out why I listened to some band so much sometimes. Like Gorillaz. I wasn’t very fond of their new album but in the last three months they are my 11th most listened to artist. Weird stuff huh? Also looking at my stats I need to make a more conscious effort to listen to Lungfish, because they are way under attended. I wish I could get last.fm stats for my entire life. To me, that would be the knowledge I learn when I ascend this world into whatever being or non-being awaits me when I give up this mortal coil.

So yea, it’s good to have goals and I guess, my first New Years Resolution ever is to listen to even more music. I mean, I guess I should get a job and figure out what the hell to do with my life. But that has all seemed so unimportant to me. Creating, making, existing, not just taking this energy but also giving back. It’s what I want to do the most. To show the people who have shown me that I understand through the return of creation. It’s all about channeling that energy, positive or negative, active or static and making something out of it.

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