Tuesday, a good day for a head vomit.

These are the things I am thinking about lately. I appologize for the relatively out of context entry, but I had to get this out.

For good reading go to http://www.misikal.com/.

  1. A lot of Atheist’s I’ve read about are associated with, either officially or through their actions, the neo-conservative movement. It’s difficult to understand how a philosophy of thought based on critical thinking could be so fucking narrow minded. But what the fuck do I know. I just want to state very clearly, that as a recently outed Atheist, I don’t buy into psychotic, neo-conservative, new world order bullshit that is not different then the hate speach tossed up by other assholes with a fucking agenda in this world. Concerns and questions can be forwarded to the appropriate departments.
  2. I am constantly worried about fetishizing cultures that interst me. As an American, I realize that largely I make my own culture and customs. There is nothing remotely interesting or indeed refined about being an American. There is something however in the customs and idiosyncracies of “other” cultures that is lately appealing to me. But I am worried that my affinity is based on the “exotic” the “different” because there are so many things I don’t understand. And sadly I know very few people in these cultures of interest that can both reassure and invite me into these worlds. Of course when you have no culture, and American’s really don’t have much of a real culture, you can’t approach another culture without wonderment and excitement. I wish I could learn everything about every culture on earth, but that will never happen.
  3. For a good month now I have been really bothered by my failure to get it. I would really like to address this realization with a particular person but I don’t really know how appropriate it is. I’ve come to learn very quickly that as much as I’d like to think I’ve matured into an understanding about gender, feminism, reclamation of language and other such big topics, I don’t fucking get it at all. Or I didn’t really get it at all. This has been rather a large drag on my life (of which is more complicated and shitty then I’d like) and I don’t really know how to solve this problem. But I would like to say to this person, who probably doesn’t read this, I get it now, that I don’t really get it and I was wrong. There are a lot of contirbuting factors to this outside of our exchange, my own failings in certain aspects of my life, coupled with my complete ignorance to reality. So I’m sorry.
  4. More on topic – Punk Rock Aesthetics is bullshit. I have learned this from Bruce Springsteen and Joe Strummer. Acting like art is not meant to be seen, acting like you don’t want to reach as many people as possible is total fucking shit. I have, as an artist, shorted myself of my potential by buying into Indie Rock bullshit. Bruce Springsteen and Joe Strummer, along with countless other artists made their best music on Commericial Labels. It’s not about being a buisness person, it’s about taking what you want from whom ever will give it to you to do what ever the fuck you want to do. It has nothing to do with politics at all. It has nothing to do with anything. If corproate suits are dumb enough to give you money to make yr masterpiece, fucking take it and make it.
  5. Joy Division is fantastic. I can’t get enough of Peter Hook’s bass lines. I wish I was into this band a lot earlier. Either way listening to Joy Division has made me realize I need to update my list of top ten records of all time. Be on the look out at http://www.misikal.com/ for this shit. you know yr interested in the music I listen to. You know you are.
  6. I listened to Kelly Clarkson’s “My December” today. It made me feel a little bit better. I am really angry today. Like more so then normal.
  7. Finally, I wrote three people letters recently. They were hand written and a bit on the ‘Whoa, insane’ side of things. If you were the recipient of one of these letters and yr worried about me, don’t. I was at a work training session when I wrote them and really pissed off at the world. I think I’ll be getting better soon. I need to seperate my time and write when I am at home and clear headed. Not like how I spit this piece of shit internet reading entry thing out into the world.

Thanks for indulging. Call me if you want. If you have my number. Otherwise, love to you and yours.

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